dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
