My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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