our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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