I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
