Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
