how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
