I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
