No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
