took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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