you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
