if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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