So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
