dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
