No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
