where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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