So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
