In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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