As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
