I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
