if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
