youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
