Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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