this will be a night to untag.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
