I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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