Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
