Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
