No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
