Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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