As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
