do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
