I feel great
I just peed on a car
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
