We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
