At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
