He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
