i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You may now shotgun with the bride
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
