I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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