Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
