ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
