What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just gargled with NyQuil
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
