have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
