He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
