I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
