so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
