you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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