bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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