I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
