In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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