I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
