Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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