Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
