We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
