You really coming over, don't trick.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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